@wittybigtwittys: Friends are like trampolines. I've always wanted a trampoline.
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@Storminika: Why do people knock on a locked public restroom door? And what is the person inside to say? "who is it?"
@Sean_Burgundy_: [ 3 AM ] Friend: I got a flat and I'm stranded Me: Do you have snacks in your car? Friend: No Me: *Hangs up
@ShortWhiteNUgly: An 8 yr old boy was screaming at the grocery store because his mom wouldn't buy him a Mars bar. So I bought one and ate it in front of him.