@wittybigtwittys: Friends are like trampolines. I've always wanted a trampoline.
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@batkaren: KID: Why's the sky blue DAD: It's sad MOM: Light refraction DAD: … MOM: … DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction
@madcaplaughs30: The first guy to skip a rock was probably all sad and just trying to toss the rock in the pond and was like "well, can't even do that right"
@ZWindsor_: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"
@kiel_phillips: ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms