@lionprincessval: Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
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@KevinFarzad: People are often shocked when I tell them I'm single because I scream it at them while sliding open their shower curtain.
@TylerLinkin: Paris Hilton’s chihuahua Tinkerbell died yesterday. Purses are being held at half-mast.
@samfromks: I told my 3 year old that Skittles are Care Bear meat and now I have the bag to myself.