@petridishes: from Jabba the Hutt's perspective Star Wars is the story of a guy who owed him money and then instead of paying had his friends murder him
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@Sal0630: *looks under bed* *checks closet* *shuts light, runs to bed* *pulls covers over head* *ice maker dumps ice* *dies from cardiac arrest*
@TheSharona06: When taking your dog to the vet it's very important to remember to put your dog in the car.
@causticbob: I met a girl at a club the other night and she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran 100m in 9.69 seconds.
@Underchilde: The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.