@petridishes: from Jabba the Hutt's perspective Star Wars is the story of a guy who owed him money and then instead of paying had his friends murder him
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@KalvinMacleod: I have Facebook like reflexes. "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" *throws a book and hits you right in the face*
@squirrel74wkgn: Me (answers phone): HELL-o Mom: Hi, honey. Your Dad is trying to change the time on the VCR you bought us in 83 Me: Please leave a message
@Soberphobiccc: Religious places never have free WiFi because no religion wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
@BGH70: On average, it takes a person 7 minutes to fall asleep… 2.5, if Tammy from purchasing is telling you about her weekend.