@trevso_electric: From now on, I'm referring to my ex girlfriends as "yesterbae's."
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@DaddyJew: 7: can I have a pop tart? Me: we're going to eat dinner soon 7: this will be my dinner Me: fine but at least have a strawberry one
@SardonicTart: Christian Bale has done ok for himself considering he's named after a religious bundle of hay.
@EvilSchwartzie: The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out.