@bmarked21: From now on when people forcefully show me pictures of their baby, I'm simply going to reply, "Hmm... I've seen better."
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@knot_eye: Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
@Bagyants: "What if we make headphones that stay in people's ears?" "Good idea Bob!" [aside] "Kill him and his whole family." -Apple meeting
@heatherlou_: I almost confused a laxative and Ibuprofen and that would have changed my plans for the evening significantly