@robfee: Frozen (2013): A girl with magical powers causes adults to talk nonstop about a movie for children
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: "You ruined your pants." Veteran dad: "Thank God. I thought it was poop."
@squirrel74wkgn: [tearing off our clothes] Her: I want you. Take off your shoes. *kicks flip-flop through her TV*
@withanewname: [interview] "Says here, you like to master debate in your free time?" "Yeah, sorry, that's a typo"
@_ElvishPresley_: *reads list of assassin targets* "Eggs, milk...what the-" [CUT TO] *wife at store looking desperately for North Korean nuclear physicist*