@weinerdog4life: Fun Date Idea: Find a balloon, forget about the date, you have a balloon now.
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@hippieswordfish: *2 pieces of bread being held hostage* bread 1: any way you slice it we're toast bread 2: we're dead wheat me: did my breakfast just talk
@hazelmotes1: This venomous snake is pretty scary. What can we do to make it even scarier? Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES
@sofarrsogud: DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.