@Probgoblin: Fun fact about Earth: It is an insane hellworld where a species of ape has harnessed the power of liquefied dead things to destroy itself.
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@AnitaHelmet: Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that's sad. But 100% of married people will die, and isn't that a greater tragedy?
@amishschool: Dropped mother-in-law at airport. Her flight isn't until Tuesday, but with security and all, best to play it safe.
@EliTerry: "looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points" - commentators on my snowboard run
@BasicLyes: Impractical Joke: Replace my girlfriends house cat's with mountain lions so she think's she is shrinking.