@Probgoblin: Fun fact about Earth: It is an insane hellworld where a species of ape has harnessed the power of liquefied dead things to destroy itself.
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@BarebakAssassin: In my 32 years this is what I've learned about women: 1.) "No" means no 2.) "Maybe" means no 3.) "Yes" means maybe
@anylaurie16: Changed ex's name in my cell to Do Not Engage. Unfortunately, his middle name Not doesn't show up when he texts.
@kadyngriffiths: Thug: *shows tattoos of tear drops* So I remember each person I've killed. Me:*shows tattoo of an oven* So I remember to turn off the oven.