@markydoodoo: FUN FACT: Canada was once called Moosebekistan. You don't know. Prove me wrong.
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@vineyille: [Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot
@MakesYouGiggle: Interviewer: Why did you apply for this job? Me: Because being broke and homeless didn't really call out to me.
@nicfit75: Since getting the new iPhone with fingerprint unlock technology I've never worried so much about losing my thumb.
@murrman5: [tv interview] did you get upset? "that *beep* lied to me, she can go *beep* herself" don't do that. just curse and we will add the beeps