@markydoodoo: FUN FACT: Canada was once called Moosebekistan. You don't know. Prove me wrong.
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@SukaBlunt: I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen
@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.
@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza
@amishschool: Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying "keys" in case I thought they were llamas.