@markydoodoo: FUN FACT: Canada was once called Moosebekistan. You don't know. Prove me wrong.
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@briancthayer: *licks excess icing off mixer & spoon* Wife: Aww, thanks hun! Me: For what? W: Doing my dishes! M: Oh, I didn-- W: ... M: You're welcome.
@sheseemslegit: Dear Fox news, I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
@scott_towel: When the grid crashes and there's no other way of communicating, we'll see whose drum circle is "stupid".
@electrolemon: a cute girl stopped behind my laptop as I was full screen on a pic of bread and I didn't know what to say so I stammered out "I like bread"