@WheelTod: Funerals have gotten so expensive: at mom's, after paying for the bouncy house, clowns & pony rides, we couldn't afford a decent magic show.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: cause baby now we've got baaathtubs you know we soaking in maaad suds so take a loofah for baaack scrubs cause baby now we baaathtubs [hey!]
@mrjohndarby: [on honeymoon in Paris] Her: Look, there's the Eiffel Tower Me: Wait, I thought you said you'd never been to Paris before?
@hstweetheart: I'LL TAKE TEN OF YOUR FINEST MIDGETS! THEY MUST BE CLEVER CONVERSATIONALISTS & KNOW HOW TO PARTY. ... "...Ma'am, this is a preschool..."
@Tmoney68: "Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!" - Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child.