Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Funny Cop Tweets

Humorous tweets involving law enforcement officers, cops, etc.

@KraftDinerr: "OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!"
haha, no way losers. I've got things to do.
*cop whispering* "what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!"

@noog: Cop: Is that a turtle?
Me: ...
Cop: Painted blue?
Me: ...
Cop: With nails glued on?
Me: ...
Cop: Mario Kart's not real
Me: YOURE NOT REAL

@DaddyJew: Cop:alright now repeat after me

Me:repeat after me

C:no not yet

M:no not yet

C:stop

M:stop

C:put your hands in the air

M:put your h..

@Steelers1972: Cop ~ Do you know how fast you were going sir ?

Me ~ Uhhh .... Roughly about the same as you

Cop ~ Get out

@TheKegKiller: Me: You can't arrest me. I have to run a marathon today.

Cop: Stop playing the race card.

@Vodkantots: Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma'am?
Me: No, I'm just dizzy b/c I'm having a heavy flow day. It's really clotty and...
Cop: You're free to go.

@Jaywoo74: Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
M: Speeding?
C: No!
M: Not using my blinker?
C: No!
M: Because I'm drunk?
Cop: Sir get off the mower!

@KeetPotato: [rookie undercover]
*walks up to dealer*
"yo you a cop"
um no
"hmm ok what you want"
EIGHT COCAINES PLEASE
*gives thumbs up to chief in car*

@Fred_Delicious: "sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"
"officer, I'm..."
*turns to camera*
"double jointed"
*cop starts breakdancing*

@Mike__Lee: Cop: "Any idea why I pulled you over?"

Me: "you've got a fat guy fetish?"

Cop: ...