@Paris__G: #FunnyLife Insects
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@Mr_Kapowski: Guarantees in life 1. Death 2. A waitress will ask how everything is while your mouth is full but never be around when you need a refill
@GingerHotDish: Cortana, where is the closest Taco Bell? There's a Weight Watchers meeting 1 mile away from you. *Note to self: Never call Siri Cortana*
@DanMentos: [terrorist meeting] "Let's hit Americans where they gather to shop" But how will we find these Targets? "Guys you're not gonna believe this"