@AmyLondon: @funTweeters TIL:The phrase "I plead the fifth" comes from the minimum volume of alcohol one can blame for committing the alleged infraction
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@baycontaco: Smartphones don't prevent people from feeling alive and getting in touch with nature. I just walked into a tree.
@DurtMcHurtt: [job interview] What are your strengths? Me: inventing special occasions. Is that even a *I interrupt him with a happy cereal day song*
@DumbConfessions: Walmart greeter smiled at me. Long story short, the weddings Friday. Everyone's invited. Except Harold. HE said I'd NEVER find true love.