@AmyLondon: @funTweeters TIL:The phrase "I plead the fifth" comes from the minimum volume of alcohol one can blame for committing the alleged infraction
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@Papa_Mex: I'm an 'adult', so why do I dance a little and look around nervously when I find a $20 bill in my jeans I didn't know was there...
@chuuew: ME: I'm as strong as a box! HER: Surely you mean "ox"? ME: [easily collapses after getting wet from tears]
@howe007: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "hey, that one over there is shaped like an alcoholic".
@MartaEffing: Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you're kinda boring and you've been on top of everything.