@AmyLondon: @funTweeters TIL:The phrase "I plead the fifth" comes from the minimum volume of alcohol one can blame for committing the alleged infraction
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@Chumpstring: I like to shit with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
@Cravin4: I'm so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note. "Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us."
@rickolantern: Luke is so old now he just uses the Force to keep the neighborhood kids off his lawn