@LiftHeavyAndRun: @funTweeters you guys are my favorite thing about Twitter. I suggest we get pant less and hug this out like men.
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@YupKirsten: Me: I hate long sad goodbyes. Cashier: I just want to give you your change. Me: *puts finger on lips* shhhh. Don't make this harder *leaves*
@IAmKashWah: Interviewer: How do you hit those high notes? Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me? Adam Levine: Practice.
@stevezorz: Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.