@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
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@shkeeber: Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!
@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.
@philmann: PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]
@DeadLioness: They don't seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts. Sad.