@AaronMichael_: Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
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@tastefactory: "It's gonna taste really good." - excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You're Expecting Pizza
@TheWeirdWorld: Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.
@ArfMeasures: MAFIA BOSS: Did you take him out? ME: Yeah we went to watch Black Panther MAFIA BOSS: wtf I'm asking if he was blown away ME: Oh definitely, it's a pretty awesome movie
@Juststopkate: Some days I feel like my life is going super well, & then I get my hair caught in my umbrella. And also my car door.