@BillMc7: Geese and swans mate for life. And that explains why it's very common for geese and swans to fly into jet engines.
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@bourgeoisalien: #TT At 14 I yelled, "You'll NEVER understand Morrissey,dad!!" and tried to run dramatically out of the room but ran into a wall & fell over.
@blondecalamity: Me: I baked cookies! Who's the best Mom ever? Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See? Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!
@brunopieroni: How to stop Facebook Live and Marketplace notifications: 1) Open Facebook app 2) Go to Settings 3) Throw your phone into a river
@ohthatbadger: Don't forget to wear your best clothes to church because Jesus was all about one-upping your neighbour with fancier duds.