@DirtMcTurd: Geico commercials should just show pictures of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say "people like this are out there."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Shingaboop: Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don't make enough money to have a drug habit.
@PaulyPeligroso: If the light turns green & the guy behind you honks cause he thinks you're taking too long to go get out & start checking your tire pressure
@MartaEffing: *sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*
@CM2BTTHD: I just saw my 25-year-old son run water on a slice of pizza to cool it off. I need to sit down.