@DanMentos: Gene Hackman is my favorite actor whose name sounds like a job description at Monsanto
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@emilymaej: I told my niece if I cut her open she would just be made of chicken quesadillas and she said if she cut me open I'd just be dead. Smart kid.
@SteveSuckington: [100 year old man on job interview] "Do you have any references?" Sure, hold on. *pulls out Ouija board*
@ArfMeasures: "Sir how should we sell scissors?" SADISTIC CEO: Put them in tough plastic that..get this*cries with laughter* u have to open with scissors
@decentbirthday: [Battleship: Guilt Edition] Friend: B6 Me: You sunk my Battleship Friend: Hah yes! Me: But 70 people were on the ship. They had children