@Love_bug1016: Gentle reminder to send that good morning text so she doesn't have to draw on her angry eyebrows.
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@HenpeckedHal: My wife and I announce when we're going to the bathroom, but it's more a way of saying, "I'm not watching the kids, so if they die in the next 4 minutes it's all your fault."
@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though
@DanMentos: My Shakespeare brings all the boys to the yard And they're like We're gonna kick your ass fancy boy
@WritePlay: Anjelica Huston got married to the inventor of autocorrect and now her legal name is Ageless Ice Houseboat.