@RaisingOneBrow: George W Bush kept us safe just like how abstinence education kept Bristol Palin unpregnant.
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@DBMaxP: Look... don't end your presentation with "Are there any questions?" & then get all pissy when I ask if you can ride a unicycle.
@3sunzzz: [sips martini] *sigh* [sips margarita] Now THIS ONE is delicious! Waiter: Ma'am, you can't try drinks on other tables. Please sit down.
@jonnysun: GOOD COP: tell us where ur boss is hiding and we'll let u go BIKE COP: [clenches fist] we woulda caught him if he hadnt climbed those stairs
@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.