@drewtoothpaste: Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like.
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@GreenSmoke_: If there was any award for laziness, I probably would send someone to pick it up for me.
@NOT_UmaThurman: [Jesus on a blind date] Christians: "Hmm, you seemed whiter in your profile picture"
@ericspeaksout: Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room.