@UnrealRogue: Get a free debt analysis by visiting your parents this holiday.
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@imence2: Head says "Forget about her." Heart says "Tell her u love her." Bottle of whisky says"Ride the cat around the house & you'll feel better."
@daemonic3: [trying to impress fiancée's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- Oh I got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE "SUBTOTAL"?!?
@BucMarvin: Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records.
@panmidwest: [ping pong] ME: 3 to 2, my serve JESUS: M: can I have the ba- J: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve M: [exhales] every time