@MarieColette: Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Nice try, coworker who offered me coffee. The last thing I want to do at work is be awake.
@funnybeachgirl: With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line
@KyleMcDowell86: *dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* "Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"