@TheBoydP: Get ahead at the office by taking work home with you over the weekend. No need to work on it just make sure people see you take it home...
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@iamspacegirl: [mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*
@WheelTod: Prank: if you're standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic
@ElizaBayne: Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side
@xLiserx: Me: Can't. I'm exhausted from all the CrossFit this morning. Him: It's pronounced 'croissant' & how the hell did you eat the entire dozen?!