@DadandBuried: Get married and have kids so you can spend your Saturday going apple picking instead of doing LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.
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@Reverend_Scott: Principal: about your son... Dad: our son? Mom: is he ok?? Principal: yes, yes. but you see, we've found that your son is cool. very cool. far too cool to have parents like you. [hits the intercom] Betty, please bring them in. [Betty enters with cooler parents]
@CallmeMrBigs: Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft.
@TheAlexP: Hey buddy, if you didn’t want me napping in your pet store you shouldn’t have sleeping rooms filled with puppies.
@MaraWilson: FRIEND: Want to do Escape the Room? ME: Dude like 90% of my life is me trying to figure out how to get out of places I don't want to be