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@clindsaysway: Get out, RUN! That DM was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE
@lazerdoov: 40% of North American teens can't even find ISIS on a map. Talk about ignorant
@AnOrangeSNES: "Damn girl are you?" -Existentialist pick-up line
@dril: i am developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house
@jackiembouvier: If I ever go missing, put up fliers saying I left a dog in a hot car so people will actually look for me.
@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!