@clindsaysway: Get out, RUN! That DM was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE
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@shutupmikeginn: I lied and told someone, "I can't go to your party I have diarrhea." I actually do have diarrhea but historically that hasn't stopped me
@mattselman: If the United States ever collapses, the upside is that we can finally use the blue starry part of American flags to make wizard hats.
@iAmDelFreaky: ~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want