@clindsaysway: Get out, RUN! That DM was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE
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@SoVeryBritish: Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties
@freypalm: College guy: [massaging head] Oh man I got so trashed last night. Raccoon: [massaging stomach with his little raccoon paws] Me too man.
@david8hughes: [sees a dog about to get run over] Me [dives toward dog & rolls to safety]: that was close [sees a cat about to get run over] Me: car coming
@slimmy_shady: CarefulWhere's your shoesPlease stop cryingMaybe eat somethingYou dropped the bottle- things you say to babies & drunks.