@chuuew: [gets anchor tattoo removed]
[slowly floats towards the sun]
@AntozWolf: Its wrong that priests have to live a life of forced celibacy . They should get married and let celibacy come upon them the usual way.
@JoParkerBear: You catch more bees with honey, but I don't want any bees. Seriously, if I could have all the bees, I'd want exactly zero bees.
@omgshuddup: Him "I like you"
Me: "Meh, give it five days.
Him: "No I really like you"
Me: "okay. Ten."
Narrator * It would, in fact, take 4.
@HairyJew4Life: Me: Why does it take you forever to text me back?
*3 hours later*
Her: What are you talking about?
@DurtMcHurtt: Thought somebody was touching my neck so I turned around and did a karate chop stance, turns out it was just my feather earring.