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@chuuew: [gets anchor tattoo removed]
[slowly floats towards the sun]
@anymysha: Thanks to a hangover, I was the douche wearing sunglasses inside the airport today.
@gaynorlsimpson: When I met you I was completely blown away because the wind was ridiculous.
@underchilde: I like to watch other people sleep to make sure I’m doing it correctly.
@StupidSophia_: Me: "The only person I need in my life is you."
Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
@JohnHilsen: Did you know that Mark Zuckerberg and the guy who played the blue Power Ranger are cousins? Just not to each other. But they are cousins.