@gianni_bcn: *Gets disqualified for biting opponent's ear on a chess tournament*
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@CarolineCasey: We were so high at the movies that I tried find my seatbelt and my friend helped me look for it.
@mynameisntdave: I can't wait until Twitter gives you the option to block yourself. I say some real dumb shit on here and I shouldn't have to deal with it.
@ambermruffin: Now that the Statue of Liberty is dark, there's no way they're letting her into the U.S.