@gianni_bcn: *Gets disqualified for biting opponent's ear on a chess tournament*
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@RuinMyWeek: I photoshopped myself into a photo booth strip a coworker had on her desk and replaced it. And now we wait...
@DaddyJew: [at daycare] Me: I'm here to pick up my son Daycare: what's he look like? Me: *points to my face* D: oh. Ok
@HappyHijabbi: *Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with receipt* This one doesn't listen anymore...Can I get a new one?
@roadkill3x: Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.