@hazelmotes1: *gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*
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@joejwest: MARATHON RUNNER: [breaks through ribbon at finish line] GUY WHO LOVES MARATHONS: Hooray GUY WHO LOVES RIBBONS: What the shit
@ZachWeiner: "How do you speak with an American accent?" "Well, imagine vowels killed your parents, and you're out for revenge."