@hazelmotes1: *gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*
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@JeremyInKC: Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed.
@Tmoney68: Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, "YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD," because I am a mature adult.
@QwertyJones3: My wife & I couldn't agree on which psychic to go to. They were all sad and depressing. "What did you do?" We finally found a happy medium