@badAzz_mom: *gets lockjaw when putting on eyeliner*
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@Book_Krazy: Mom, I'm glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean
@batkaren: HADES: Unleash the hell hound! CERBERUS: *sipping tea* I told you to ask first if it's a good time for us. HADES: Is it a-- CERBERUS: No.
@TheToddWilliams: [my laboratory] ME: I'VE DONE IT! MOUSE WITH EAR GROWING ON IT'S BACK: Holy crap keep it down.
@david8hughes: [in church] "And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins." [vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]