@cwhudson: *gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
@DaddyJew: [ cookout ]
Me: OMG this ketchup is amazing!
Host: yea yea we all know you brought the ketchup
@omgthatspunny: I have a job crushing pop cans. It's soda pressing.
@SuicideBooth1: Unicorn: Come on man, do it just one more time.
Dragon: This is the last time.
Unicorn: Hell yeah!
Dragon: [toasts unicorns marshmallow]
@Michael1979: Bear tip: If a bear is mauling you to death, challenge it to a maths quiz instead
(mauling people to death is against the rules in quizzes)
@TheTweetOfGod: I care more about the outcome of sporting events than any other aspect of human existence.