@cwhudson: *gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
@sixfootcandy: Stops eating carbs and loses 25 pounds in 3 months.
Starts eating carbs and gains 25 pounds in 3 days.
@joshgondelman: Someone wished me a Happy Independence Day and I told him this is America, and we say Merry Christmas here, buddy.
@beccalynward: Overheard at work:
Mom to her little daughter: “what’s that in your hair? Is that a piece of chicken nugget??”
Little girl, very excitedly: “YEAH!”
@notacroc: [at a bar]
CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there
ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster
@DaddyJew: Gf: on a scale from 1-10, how annoyed are you with me right now?
Gf: I can do better than that