@cwhudson: *gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
Dad: it's considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony.
Me: Yeah, I know. It's why I'm facetiming him.
@Stellacopter: Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out they raise their hand at the end of a long boring meeting to ask a question.
@Home_Halfway: DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person?
ME: *gets really close to the date & whispers* I'm just a person, what bullshit question is this
@BoomBoomBetty: I don’t understand why you’re all so down on marriage. You get a 50% chance of unplugging someone’s life support. That’s the real American dream.
@IamJackBoot: Relax TV weatherman with your sciencey explanation of today's fog. It's a cloud on the ground, just say it. Help me not hate you.