@cwhudson: *gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
@TheMichaelRock: Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house.
@DirtMcTurd: Wait, so hallways in mental institutions aren't called psychopaths? Well they should be.
@VocabuLarry: Pregnancy tests make me wish peeing on things answered more questions.
@botandy: You come home early and catch the cat eating with a knife and fork at the table. You stare at each other unsure of the next move.
@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.