@DeadLioness: Getting murdered would be scary, but not as scary as if the forensic guy with the white chalk would trace my body fatter than I really was
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@Sean_Burgundy_: My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me
@BlaineKy: I'm glad I don't have to hunt for my food. Because I have no idea where sandwiches live...
@cerebralbeef: The way to cure your loneliness is to get on out there! But first, be better looking. And stop being yourself, that's obviously not working.
@Area51eh: This no more tears shampoo sucks. I've been feeding it to my friends kid and he's still crying. nnnnMust be doing something wrong.