@o__0Dev: Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
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@HaleyMDriscoll: My boyfriend said we could only get one cat. So I'm only getting one cat. One pregnant cat.
@MableGertrude: Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks.
@iGreenMonk: No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee.
@Parkerlawyer: Waiting on this storm is like waiting on your mom to get home when you're in trouble. You know she's pissed, you just don't know HOW pissed