@o__0Dev: Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
@StellaRtwot: Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you're on a swing?
@robfee: I wish boxing was like wrestling so when the ref was distracted Manny Pacquiao would run in & hit Floyd Mayweather with a Stone Cold Stunner
@lovemydogduck: Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had.
@Home_Halfway: I think the scariest part about having triplets is having to be pregnant for 27 months.