@o__0Dev: Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
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@Amusitr0n: No toilet paper. My training kicks in. I barrel roll under the stall & onto the lap of the person in the next stall. I did not plan for this
@Sam_From_Kansas: Alan from Facebook is concerned about "boarder" control and thinks they should "learn our langage"
@notacroc: Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen
@Rollmaninoz: [starbucks] ME: I'll have a mocha latte an can I get an extra sho- Eminem: *wearing apron* YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT