@o__0Dev: Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
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@rutesperanza: If you use yahoo search engine, A really lonely nerd in his yahoo office frantically googles your request and then posts the results
@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.
@MorganJ7: Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread
@JeffSarcastic: *sends epic tweet* [no likes 3 hours later] *waits 2 weeks, sends again* [no likes 1 day later] *starts typing* NSA: dude, let it go