@lasergirl70: Getting rid of my cleaning person sounded like a good way to save money, until it came time to do the cleaning.
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@Home_Halfway: An octopus is very cool because if Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were drowning, it would have enough tentacles to save all of them.
@rickolantern: Dear guy lighting bottle rocket fuses with a cigarette that's still in your mouth, You're going as a pirate for Halloween.
@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: When speaking to children I always end every sentence with "...or else you'll die. " - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool.