@Rollinintheseat: [High school reunion]
Person: "Are you wearing the same clothes you wore on our last day of school?"
Me: "You told me to never change."
@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
@AGreaterMonster: So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend's friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter.
@gwatts77: Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
@PetiteRainCity: Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
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