@KyleDodsonFunny: GF: "Call me ASAP, it's an emergency!"
Me: "Hi ASAP, it's an emergency!"
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@weinerdog4life: I'm just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to help me put a bunch of ducks in my car.
@karlainvt: I cannot breath, walk, or bend over but DAYUM these skinny jeans look good.
@TheMichaelRock: CW: It's gonna get cold! Me: You're gonna die. CW: Excuse me? Me: Sorry, I thought we were pointing out the obvious.
@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors
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