@Sassafrantz: Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always "KILL" or "MURDER" or "YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"
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@TheBoydP: The end of the month is like stubbing your little toe in the dark. You’re probably broke and there’s nothing you can do about it.
@SirEviscerate: *builds time machine* *goes back in time 183 days* *earth is on the other side of the sun* *dies in space*
@TurnpikeTony: I better fix the hinge on this cabinet door before Ryan Gosling comes over, takes his shirt off and builds my lady a house.
@shariv67: If movies have taught me anything, it's that the insurance for fruit vendor carts must be astronomical.