@HatfieldAnne: *gingerly maneuvers the garbage can back into place between a stack of crown molding we'll never use and your antique pesticide collection*
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@novicefather: [glances toward living room stenographer] "Please read back what my wife said 45 seconds ago." stenographer: I promise not to get mad
@Reverend_Scott: OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down.
@jjax44: I hate it when I forget to cut the tags off my sandwich and everyone's like "New sandwich?"
@gwatts77: If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to