@HatfieldAnne: *gingerly maneuvers the garbage can back into place between a stack of crown molding we'll never use and your antique pesticide collection*
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@heatherlou_: I tell my child, "10 minutes till bed!" She hears me say, "Go put on a Halloween costume." Why?
@yaboybillnye: SCIENCE FACT: if you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
@MindyFurano: Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.
@iwearaonesie: So important your wife knows you're petting the dog when she hears you say "you're getting a little chunky"