@kelkulus: Girl asked me if I wanted to watch a "romcom" so I'm going to assume she means "Roman Combat" and put on Gladiator.
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@mattgallo123: It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.
@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .
@TheRolo: A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.