@tastefactory: Girl, did it hurt...when you fell from heaven? *smooshed girl bobs away making accordion sounds*
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@shwebby2: If you want to interrogate someone, do it in German You could say "I love you and brought you flowers" and I'd shit myself!
@jctwritesstuff: Yeah, no, I don't have a FitBit. I'm pretty sure I have a solid grasp on how inactive I am. I don't need like bells and alarms and stuff.
@novicefather: My toddler fell, smashed his face into the cement, then played it off like he was giving the ground a kiss. No DNA test necessary.
@WhirledRecord: USA: "Hey, Canada, can you hold this for a second?" Canada: "OK." *USA hands Detroit to Canada* *USA quickly walks away.*