@AndyAsAdjective: Girl, did you take a massage therapy course at a community college with questionable credentials? Because you're rubbing me the wrong way.
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@ChrisStephensMD: Is it safe for Ryan Gosling to wink at a girl that's already pregnant or does it like, poke the baby?
@hythemafia: I've quit my new job as a postman..... .....they handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: "This isn't for me."
@davidkenny100: Pal: my advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it! Later Me: Guess how many buses it took me to get here
@DainWins: [Driving w/date in car] Date [turns radio to country] Me [reaches over date, opens passenger door] This isn't working. [Hits eject button]