@JennyJohnsonHi5: Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.
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@Thee1_4U: I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it.
@MarfSalvador: Homeless man: Spare some change for a cup of coffee? Me: *Bends down to eye level* You don't look anything like a cup of coffee
@rickolantern: They grow up so fast. My nephew lost his first tooth Saturday night In a fight a with a bouncer
@Bownuggets: Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] "I ran into a door"