@CelebrityChez: Girl you must be a freezer, because I want to put a dead clown in you.
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@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is if you really want someone to dance with you, you probably shouldn't tell them to shut up.
@VerifiedDrunk: If evolution were real you'd think my body would've learned how to be drunk on its own by now.
@woodmuffin: "For my next illusion" the magician announces: "Free will!" Everyone starts clapping but they don't know why
@HeyZeus666: Fatherhood Tip : If there's puke in your coat pocket and poop on your shoulder, you're holding the baby upside down.