@Jake_Vig: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets.

@Reverend_Scott: Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.

@kevinrowe1: I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.

@RockabillyJay: If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.

@EamonToPlease: [baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby.