@BigBBanter: Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
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@Baxterbix: Woke up with a hangover to the sound of my neighbor cutting the grass. He can cut around me, I'm not movin'.
@HansomeHoosier: "You can have more degrees than a thermometer & still be dumb as shit." - Old Southern Proverb
@mrtruthandsoul: Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
@MarfSalvador: Him: Wanna see my prison tats? Her: Ooh ok I like bad boys Him: This one *lifts shirt* is of Alcatraz. It was built in 1934 and closed in