@BigBBanter: Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
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@cluedont: Always put the important stuff in the first part of your tweet, because no one will cat basket the walnuts if there's pickletits at the end.
@joeljeffrey: I texted my girlfriend "goodnight, love you" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings.