@BigBBanter: Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
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@SatansTongue: He told me he wants my heart "Sharon I'm pretty sure he's a serial killer" No way! *later on with guy* Wow you're really into bondage huh?
@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
@ItsAndyRyan: First date Her: Wow this place is posh Me: *clicks fingers* Garçon, we'd like to order food Waiter: Entrées? Me: No, on plates, you fool
@clarkekant: Wondering why we have 50 candidates for Miss America, but only 2 for president. Also, why no swimsuit competition?