@IamEnidColeslaw: Girls, get your abortions NOW in case the Republicans win
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@WilliamAder: Went to the car wash and asked for one of those Brazilian wax jobs everyone's been talking about.
@dance_blessed: "You'll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have." -Maya Angelou
@PetrickSara: [Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table.
@mommy_cusses: Nurse: *handing me a newborn* You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac 'n' cheese