@IamEnidColeslaw: Girls, get your abortions NOW in case the Republicans win
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CornOnTheGoblin: [God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea
@thepaulahunt: Whenever I see a good looking firefighter, I stop, drop, and roll, so he knows I'm knowledgeable about fire safety.
@ComedicBust: Whenever I wear a suit I spend the entire time talking into my collar and sleeve, because if I’m going to be uncomfortable, I’m going to at least pretend to be a spy.
@shariv67: Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it.