@OBiiieeee: girls love us tall guys but as soon as we use our height to "constantly slam dunk on them and their loved ones" they stop replying to texts
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@stephenjmolloy: Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it.
@SladeBlue: Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of. Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.
@PhuckinCody: BANK ROBBER: everyone on the ground and drop whatever is in your hands!! ME: [holding a $9 Starbucks coffee, a tear rolls down my cheek] no