@OBiiieeee: girls love us tall guys but as soon as we use our height to "constantly slam dunk on them and their loved ones" they stop replying to texts
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@GrumpyBahr: Dr: I need a urine and stool sample. Me: *hands him my underwear* Dr:...... Me: Its all there.
@mc_funbags: I'm exactly like Rocky in that, I challenge people to fight while I'm slurring my words.
@AndyAsAdjective: [break room] coworker: what's for lunch? me: [eating] food, generally cw: no, I mean what are you having? me: an unwanted conversation
@TheAlexNevil: Death: I've come for you. Me: That's what she said. D (bursts out laughing): You get me with that one every time! Ok, see ya.