@andyerikson: Give a man a baby, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to baby, and i think this saying only works for fish actually.
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@xLiserx: Lois Lane spends a lonely afternoon at the beach because she doesn't recognize any of her friends in sunglasses.
@Carter_TCB: I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would've been a lot more interesting.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.
@GrantTanaka: Barista: name? Benedict Cumberbatch: Benedict Cumberbatch Barista [writes "Benedict Cumberbatch"] Benedict Cumberbatch: holy shit