@andyerikson: Give a man a baby, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to baby, and i think this saying only works for fish actually.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: she loves me [takes bite of hotdog] she loves me not [takes another bite of hotdog]
@SondraDeeMe: My boyfriend called my skirt a petticoat and now he's paying bills using a quill on parchment paper wearing his wooden false teeth.
@bridger_w: If you're behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.