@RorynotRoy: Give a man a compliment & he'll be all, "Yeah, I've been working out." Teach a man to fish for a compliment & he'll be all, "I feel SO fat."
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@abbycohenwl: Me: Why am I suddenly sick? Friend: Probably the change in the Weather [earlier] Weather: *uncharacteristically puts poison in my coffee*
@Turbo_Jimmy: *hostage situation* Our FIRST demand: we want more bullets because we ran out... NO DON'T COME IN HERE
@KittyShittyy: If I had ten cookies and you took one,what would you have? That's correct. A black eye and broken hand.