@SaddleLawman: Give em an enchilada, they'll take a milechilada.
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@SharkJelly: Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon? Me: *grabbing her arm too hard* You know about my squirell army
@murrman5: [looking at wife's tombstone] today would've been our anniversary *falls to knees* why did I pre-buy her tombstone causing her to divorce me
@SteveKoehler22: Research found happiness peaks at ages 23 and 65. Age 23 ~ excited to enter the work force Age 65 ~ relief at leaving the work force.